Death – Why do we fear it?

For the longest time that I remember, whenever someone passed away, everyone would say ‘oh I am so sorry’ or ‘that is really sad to hear’ or ‘my condolences’. Why are we sorry? Why are we sad and why do we give sympathy to the deceased family?

Almost every one of us believes in God and the afterlife. We all know we have to die in order to meet God. We say we believe in God and we worship God. We ask God for help, we pray to Him – so then why are we so sad when someone finally gets to go and be with God?

Yes, it is scary that we have not done our best in this world and our time gets over. Or are we spending our time dilly dallying, ignoring our purpose for being here – temporarily – and finally when the due date comes, we are caught completely by surprise?

Like many on earth, I too have my questions – so many why’s that I don’t understand. The evilness, the lies, the abuse, the cruelty. How can man, few men or many men be created in such an ugly way? If not created, how do we become so? The world and its inhabitants are still a mystery to me which as I move on, I hope to understand piece by piece.

Yet, I do know the end result – death. The shedding of this body that will slowly die or suddenly be cut off. Beyond death though, awaits the ‘person’ we claim we love more than our parents, our children and ourselves. Knowing this, why do we not celebrate death?

Why do we not say “Oh wow! He finally gets to meet God”, “Oh such a good man, I am sure God must be happy to see him. I bet he got a great appraisal for all his work on earth” or “Yes, we should certainly celebrate her life. What an amazing person and she can now rest in peace until the day of Judgment when God gives her eternal gift – I wonder which heaven she will be in?”

When I die, which is strange just typing out the words because it brings back a flood of images – may be at 55 or 65 or 75 or what if 95! Or what if now? Which is scary because I am not prepared for death at all? I have no will and a beautiful child who I know without me will be loved and brought up just fine and whatever little I have anyways is not a big deal to fret over in making a will so now that I think of it, I think things will be just fine were I to leave this world and go meet God. He is after all the provider and I know that He will take care of all the people I leave behind.

In that case, I just realized that I am ready for death. I am ready to meet my God. I know I will not get the best appraisal but I do know that God will simply chuckle at me and say ‘You! You are just so sillyly adorable. There is no appraisal for you – go directly to X heaven, you will have your big screen where you can see your family every time. Wait for a few months as they are grieving and you will simply end up being anxious over their state. After that, watch them smile and live their life – until they join you”

And time will pass by fast and soon my loved ones on earth will be with me in heaven as well... and every day will be a party... with God! J

TED TALKS & ARAB COMICS

Recently, I discovered TED Talks. Well, by recently may be around 6 months back. A friend of mine shared a video on Facebook about how a little Kenya Masai boy found an innovative idea of keeping the lions away from his herd at night.

That video led to many others and I was like 'What the heck? Why didn't I know of TED before?' After that day, I would say not a day passes without watching a video or at least three in a week. I LOVE TED!! Absolutely adore whoever thought of the concept and the kind of speakers they find. Established, passionate, discovers, motivators, scientists, actors, activists.. you name it.

Through TED I also came to know about Maysoon Zayid. When her talk got featured, it came with the title 'I have 99 problems and palsy is just one'. It didn't interest me so I skipped and watched others. However it kept popping up whenever I would go into TED app or TV and I finally watched it. OMG! What a hilarious session. I loved Maysoon's spirit, her comic timing, the way she brought up key points in laughter and through her I discovered other comedians like Maz Jobrani.

I love Maz for he can speak in the accent and body language of his characters and his timing impeccable.

Both Maysoon and Maz make the the western world understand through humor what it is to live in an age where the media goes blaring 'Muslim is Terrorist'. I don't think it helps change the general perception out in the world but I do think that whoever, listens to their jokes, would next time not scream out of fright if they see a Muslim...hehe.

Not to get too serious (on the crazy hate out there), I must say that I do enjoy comedy a lot especially, stand up comedy by Maysoon and Maz and a few others that I have discovered. Through them I have realized that at times and most times, you need to laugh. You need to laugh out your situation. It has helped me while dealing with my team at work. I laugh at the policies, I laugh at the rules and when the team laughs with me, I know they don't mind following the rules and policies because they do it with a smile.

My Audacious thought: Do you think I can become a comic? I know I am a relatively okay story teller and many out there enjoy reading my stories, I also have a good script and acting ability but comedy? I do remember in one acting gig, I got the house roaring - not because I was funny or I had funny dialogues - but I portrayed a crazy selfish girl with some unreasonable demands. The best act of the class they said.

...May be I am a comedian.

What's more ugly?

Yesterday, I logged in my blog account after may be months and months and I have put a comment moderation as I had horrible spam comments.

Surprisingly, I have so far never seen a hate comment. I have seen other websites post a link to my ‘Punishment of the grave’ page on my MBA blog and making weird comments on their website but not on my page.

Anyways, so I log in and have 60+ comments for moderation. One of them was by a person named Sharique who was so happy to read my story ‘Sharique’. I spent another half hour reading the story I wrote years ago about a man married to a bad woman but how he persevered until he died without divorcing his wife.

I made Sharique from a number of characters – few men in my life and my family and friend’s families – and what I had seen of them. I also wrote it when I was single. When I had no idea what it was to be in a bad marriage. It was easy to write ‘he persevered’, ‘he forgave’ but when it’s you who is living it, I wonder how much would I or you preserve?

Given the chance, I don’t know if I would have changed the story or twisted the plot. Should I have made Sharique give warnings to his wife to behave otherwise he would leave the house? Should he have left temporarily so that Zareena would have understood she couldn’t go on with her behavior, should they have sought marriage counseling? As I write counseling there is a smile on my face for the story is based in a setting and era where there was no concept of therapy and counseling. All the therapy and counseling you needed was just to walk down to your friend’s home and pour your heart out.

Anyways, the story is fine as it is I conclude for it is for a different generation who were brought up with different values. I also find Zareena’s character rather mild now: how bad of a wife was she? Apparently, she did take care of the house and bring up her children. She didn’t have an affair or vices like smoking and drinking. This marriage was one of incompatibility and Zareena’s vice was that she was unthankful, greedy for wealth and a show-off.


Which is the greater vice? To indulge in sinful acts or to be a relatively okay person with a number of character flaws?

My Old Life

I spent that last two days reading my blog(s) or part of them. To be honest, I am quite taken back. I am reading MY blog and few of the things here bring back memories long forgotten and some I can't even remember - like watermelon soda - I don't even remember the taste of it but I have it mentioned on one of my posts.

This blog is a lot like a journal, a life journal. However, a journal that is selective. That has notes which are positive or neutral or opinions. Life though, is not always the happy face smiley.

Well, where am I now? I am a MOTHER!! Yep, I am blessed to be the mother of a super cute naughty little girl.

For years I dreamt of becoming a mother. In fact my get healthy posts were of an era where I was trying to loose weight so that I would have a healthy pregnancy.

My mind is blank.

With a smile on my face I think how innocent was I when I wrote my posts. I see so much in my past posts; innocence, confidence, laziness but earnesty, passion, anger, love and hate.

And I cry

And I laugh

for so much has happened.

So much...

I am still the fiesty bratty lady (older one) with a bunch of experiences which I don't think I would ever post on my blog but I do know that as an individual, I'm refined.

And may be that was the intention of why I went through what I went through. A diamond has to go under the knife for that perfect cut and polish.

In conclusion, I think I will write. Once again. On topics, on life incidents, on random thoughts and may be ten years down the lane I would read my posts and remember myself.

Live Life Healthy - Weekly Thursday Check-In #4

56.7 Kg's on Thursday I am assuming because I forgot to weigh. I usually weigh both morning and evening when I come back from work but apparently I forgot on Thursday, why? Well I got promoted and I was so busy with work and transition and 'people management', yes, I am now a people manager, what can I say? Yesterday night (Friday night) I thought up something so smart about what it is to be in middle management, it went like:

You look at me and think wow, you want to be me, let me tell you about me, I am squished stuffing between the grilled sandwich, I get it from both sides, my boss gives me the 'look' which means 'get it done' and the people I 'manage' give me the look 'No ways', I have toddlers and teens and 'know-it-all's disguised as human beings and God help me when a toddler and teen end up fighting. How to I handle an arrogant teen and a stubborn toddler at the same time? I have to handle the customers who if I don't respond in the next second emails, my boss and boss's boss and boss's boss's boss that I need a lesson in communication?! Really, where did the paper edge go. Could we get the postman again so I have enough time to dictate to my secretary an appropriate reply AFTER finding the solution! Job Description: If you love being a punching bag, this profile is for you. Welcome.

Trust me, it's not nearly as funny as what I creatively thought up last night. Thank God, I have not experienced all the above, yes, teens and toddlers I am just beginning to recognize them, but being in the corporate world and listening to the experiences and situations of others, this is what middle management is all about. I need to find a book to guide me. I just started a new job. I was a simple analyst and now I am a manager? and team lead? Agreed that I aspired for it and trained for it and I thought I could very well handle it (coz the scene was so pretty before) but now after being promoted, so many 'disturbed' Ha-big laugh, individuals, who are like why she? why her? why not me? So well I got the medal and now I am learning how to wear it. Let's see how it goes. I know, in my heart that I am going to be a good leader. It's like telling yourself, I know I am going to be a good mother, but when you ACTUALLY become a mother, do you know what being a mother is all about. (And I am not yet a mother.. go figure)

So anyways, coming back to my live life healthy, loose weight, eat good, sleep sound programme, Wed, Thurs and yesterday, Friday has been three hurricane days with the new role and fire fighting and change management and I haven't consciously worked on my health, having a few sleepless nights and work and so I figured I was 56.7 KG on Thursdays but yesterday night, that is Friday night I came home and I weighed 55.7 KG!! What?! Definitely recommend stress, work and no time to eat to people who want to loose weight.

I have begun loving to exercise, feeling the sweat, the energy boost after exercising. My sleeping habits are a toss. Still not doing anything about it. I have Insomnia.. what do I say? I sleep by 3:00 am and of course wake up late as my work starts at 11:00 am but I want to sleep by 9:00 am and wake up by 4:00 am. That is like Nirvana, the ultimate goal for me. My everyday for now I want it to be 10:00 pm to 5:00 am sleep. I think if for one week, I by hook or crook get up at 5:00 am, I am going to be so exhausted that I shall sleep by 10:00 pm. The books, gadgets and Internet and TV distract me too much.

As far as work out's go, it's Quick Burn Cardio by Denise Austin and I love it. I can almost complete the 20 mins now. I started with 5 mins and slowly built my stamina. Love the routine, very simple, yet fun and the cool down is great as well.

Yep, so this is how it is going. The next three months is going to be rough waters as I run how to sail this ship of mine... otherwise, all is good and glad to I am writing down my journey however choppy because sub-consciously, I am getting there.

Life Life Healthy - Weekly Thurdsday Check In #3

56.9 Kg's on Thursday. The goal was to be 55.5 kg this weigh in. I am 1.4 kgs farther from my weight goal loss every week. For some reason, I have not been able to loose 1 kg per week. There have been weak moments and I was doing well till Tuesday. My morning weigh in was 55.9 and I was on the way to achieve 55.5 by Thursday but then, I had a migraine and kind off let go of my dieting as I usually have migraine triggered by acidity.

Anyways, 'shit happens' as my boss says many times. I am back and this time I have decided to make a menu plan well in advance for the week and also increase my excercising. I on an average have exercised like 2-3 days out of 7 although my goal has been to exercise daily. On Wednesday or Thursday, I went out in the morning at 6:00 am for a walk around the apartment and OMG, it was so cool. I really enjoyed my stroll in the morning breeze and as much as I want to wake up by 5:00 am everyday, I am unable to do so. I still am not doing it. But I am not giving up. I won't. In my mind I know I want that and I am going to become that one day. I am going to be an early bird, exercising, eating healthy, great working habits, great housekeeping habit kind of an individual and that's my vision and I am going to hold on to it till I finally become that.

Live Life Healthy - Weekly Thursday Check In #2

57.2 Kgs, waking up weight. I managed to gain weight(from
the last 56.8 Kg measurement) instead of
loosing. I wanted to be down to 56 kg thinking I am going push myself harder
and loose more than just 1 kg. Looking back, I went from 57.6 Kg on last
Thursday to 57.2 Kg this Thursday so in the week I have lost 0.4 Kgs instead of
the aimed 1 Kg. The things that went wrong was on Monday I almost starved
myself and I had no energy to exercise. Tuesday and Wednesday although I
watched my food, I didn't exercise. Therefore three days, no exercise. What
works for me is exercise. When I exercise, I lose weight, when I don't and
watch my food, I maintain my weight and when I don't do either, I put on
weight.

Should I start a daily blog again on food and exercising? I
know this is not a fitness blog but it will be fun to note down my activities
and eating habits and see the results. Being an analyst makes you want to see
cause and effect and to what proportion.. haha. Therefore, I will go ahead and
do that. It will be fun to look back at these blogs later on and see how I
achieved losing weight.

As far as telling people I am on a weight loss journey, I
told my colleagues at office as they kept offering me sweets and chips and
biscuits. The usual snacks that I would stack up on too earlier. I do get
teases as to why I want to lose weight when I am just fine. I guess they have
seen me at this weight and not at 45 Kg's so they don't know the difference but
my family, uhhh, few of them are always ready to throw that to me, "Oh my
God, you have put on!". I am repeating what I have said in earlier blogs
but trust me that certain person(s) irritate me like anything and let this be
negative motivation (5% of my motivation reason) but might as well be there if
it's going to motivate to get myself back and see that fat person's face when
they see me losing weight.

Alright so I will go ahead and start blogging from today,
what I eat and exercise and sleep too. It's bad right now. I haven't been able
to improve but I will anyways keep making a note of it and have faith that one
day, I am going to be and early bird forever.